[:es]Anger in children: how to approach this emotion with respect?[:]

[:es]When there is anger in children, parents are involved in a tornado of emotions. It is time to act with calm, respect, patience and affection. If we do it impulsively, we only get a lot of shouting and no solution. You must keep in mind that when a child cries he is having a very bad time; he is changing and asking for your help, he needs you.

With punishment or yelling there is no learning. The child acts out of fear of retaliation, not because he understands that what he does not have is safe for him. What it does do is erode the relationship with the adult, creating power struggles, rebelliousness or, on the contrary, submission, hatred and revenge.

 

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What to do in these cases?

1. Do not lose control and work on your patience. Crouch down to the child’s level to speak to him/her at his/her level and keep a soft tone of voice. Speak when the child is ready to listen to you, and not at the height of his anger; listen to him.

2. Accompany the child in his moment of discomfort, without judging him, from unconditional love. He needs to know that no matter what happens you will still be there, that he is important to you. Do not belittle their emotion with phrases such as: “It’s no big deal”, “It’s all right”, “Don’t cry”, “It’s silly”, etc. Remember that the child’s brain is immature and cannot control his anger. Never compare him/her with other children.

 

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3. The hug heals everything. Example: “Can I give you a hug? Always ask if you can give it to him/her and respect his/her decision. If you don’t want to, you can wait a few seconds and ask again. It is necessary to channel this anger. It can be by breathing or by playing, although a hug is always very effective to lower the intensity of the anger.

4. Let’s look for solutions, not blame. Instead of saying: “See, you fell because you climbed on the chair”, you can say: “Come on, did you hurt yourself? It’s just that it was a big fall. Do you want me to heal you with lots of kisses?”.

5. Once the child calms down, you can begin to negotiate. This is the time to offer alternatives. Example, “I understand your anger, you wanted to stay longer playing at the cousins’ house, what do you think if we come back tomorrow for another little while?”

 

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